Impassioned
by tacowomen
Summary: Never expect someone's insides to match their outsides. Secrets will be revealed. Love will flourish, but will it triumph? Cross/fem!Kanda    much sexual situations to come in later chapters. *giggle*
1. The Beginning

**Disclaimer: ****Nous ne possédons pas de D. Gray Man. Merci. (We do not own D. Gray Man. Thank you. And don't worry, the rest of this fanfic will be in English.)**

**Aimee's rant : I am personally a Kanda/Allen fan. 100%, to be exact. However, in those rare moments when I want Kanda to be an uke****, I instantly become a Cross/Kanda fan. However, to my displeasure, I've come to only find disturbing S&M fics that make me want to erase my brain. Or ridiculous one-shots that aren't really full of love at all. That is why I came up with this story, so that I could show you the adorableness of Cross/Kanda slash! If any of you do not want to read this story, just don't read. Simple. But for those of you who **_**do **_**feel the pain inside thy breast, like a dirk in your heart, please enjoy. **

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Cross sat glumly on the soft armchair, mumbling about his new young charge. The boy – Kanda – was only six years old, thus he was a lot to handle. In annoyance, he grumbled about the fact that he was now practically his _babysitter_. He wondered what could have been going through that old man Tiedoll's head to make someone as amazing as Cross watch this snot-nosed brat. He took a sip of his Chardonnay; quite a tasty bribe, he mused.

He looked at the boy sitting across from him and giggled to himself.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked cheekily.

"I'm laughing at the face that, even though you're a boy, you wear your hair like a girl's," he chortled, staring at the child with the dark hair. His eyes, a deep lapis-lazuli, and his face always seemed to have a permanent scowl, though he was still so young.

"Well, your hair is just as long," the child said, his scowl deepening.

He scoffed. "I'm a _man_, there's a difference." He cocked an eyebrow and tilted his chin up, shaking his long locks of red hair. "Now, go take your bath, little boy."

"Tchh…" He left, not wanting to fight back in fear of the emotional outbreak that would result from his general/father.

After a few minutes of gazing listlessly at the wall, thinking of who-knows-what, he heard a crash come from the bathroom. Oh great, he thought. What was that little brat doing now? Reluctantly, he left his wine to go check on his small charge.

He abrasively knocked on the wooden door. "What was that!"

No response.

"Oi, punk! What's going on in there?"

Once again, silence was his answer.

Debating whether or not to just leave and continue drinking his lovely alcohol, he thought of Tiedoll. Not wanting to deal with the old geezer, he just barged right in there.

There, by the tub, was a dripping wet Kanda, probably having fallen out of the tub. Toiletries were strewn across the floor. The child stared back at him with frightened, yet enraged, eyes.

"What the fuck happ—"

And then that's when he noticed.

"…."

"…"

A tremendous amount of time passed before Cross shouted: "…. You're a _girl_?"

_**To be continued… **_

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**Jen: Hello world! This is Jen, the girl who wrote this fanfiction. (Please note that I am not a D. Gray Man fan… I'm just a writer. ^^; )**

**Aimee: Hi! I AM a D. Gray Man fan! My name is Aimee, the girl who thought up this story! Please review about how you feel about this story. **

**Jen: And any errors you wish to point out! :3 **

**Aimee: And in the next author's note, you get to meet my evil twin, Lucus! **


	2. Everybody Knows

12 years later…

The wind picked up the scent of iron and rust that wafted from the blood smeared all over the tall grass. It swayed in the breeze, the red glinting off of the setting sun. He crouched there clutching his akuma arm, a warm trickle oozing through his fingers.

In the distance a cry. Allen Walker stands, his eyes searching the blood streaked field. His shaggy white hair sways in the breeze. His silver eyes can be spotted for miles away as the sunlight hits them.

"Allen! Allen!" He turns quickly. Lavi. He is jumping up and down in the air waving his arms.

It'd been awhile since Allen had seen Lavi without his familiar grin, but as he led Allen down the side of the grassy mountain, he wore an almost nervous frown.

"He's taken a pretty bad blow to the chest, their waiting for Lenalee to finish gathering the rest of the wounded, so she can take a look at him," he said, finishing just as they were ducking through the mouth of the cave where a bunch of people crammed around the middle, leaving only a small circle open near the back of the cave. Suddenly Allen felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Allen, I'm glad you're here. You should come with me. You too, Lavi." It was Lenalee, in her arms she carried a bundle of bandages and a few bottles. She began pushing through the crowd, Allen and Lavi following behind. As they neared Allen spotted his master, Cross. He hid in a corner, his long red hair covering his face as he took a drag of his cigarette, his arms and chest were covered in blood, though he looked uninjured. Just as Allen was pondering crossing over to him to ask if he was injured, a scream broke out from the center circle.

Allen pushed through the thin line of people left in front of him until he reached the open circle where Lenalee crouched before Kanda who lay unconscious, his shirt unbuttoned and left open. He almost missed it, for the blood was thick and congealing all over Kanda's chest, but then he noticed them, and a blush of embarrassment mixed with sheer surprise crossed his cheeks. No one spoke, no one stirred, they just starred openly at the two round mounds of skin on Kanda's chest. Lenalee fell, sitting on her bottom now with her hand over her mouth, not knowing what to do next. Allen looked up at Cross, who's face was completely visible now, starring not at Kanda's chest, but at his face with an expression Allen had never seen before. Suddenly Allen blew into action, springing forward and closing Kanda's jacket, blood covering his hands.

"I think anyone who isn't injured should leave, now," he said staring around at the faces who stared down at him now, still shocked. Slowly, people began to file out of the cave, leaving only Lavi, Lenalee, Allen, Kanda, and Cross. Allen stood slowly, crossing over to Cross, who looked away from the entire scene, looking away instead as he finished his cigarette.

"You knew about this?" Allen asked, pointing down at Kanda. Cross looked down into Allen's face, then pushed past him, limping out of the cave. Allen noticed a deep gash running across his calve before he disappeared into the darkness.

Her head was pounding. She almost rolled over and went back to sleep, if it wasn't for the sound of pills shaking around in their bottle, which in her state sounded as if they had been put in front of a mega phone.

First one eye popped open, then the other. She had the urge to groan as her head pounded more fiercely every moment she acknowledged she was awake, but suppressed it.

Sitting up she kept her eyes closed for fear that her head would spin. When she opened them, a hand with two pills hovered in front of her, in the other hand, a glass of water. She swallowed the pills with a swiftness only compared to the movements of a bird, followed by the few gulps of water she took to wash them down. Handing back the glass, she went to lay back down, only to be stopped by the cup being shoved forcefully back into her hand.

"Drink the whole glass," came a gruff voice.

She looked up, and was blinded by a main of crimson hair.

"Cross," she breathed, relieved it wasn't an order nurse. But only for a moment, because as she watched Cross's eyes skim her body, she looked down too, finding fresh bandages across her chest.

"Who did this?" she asked looking up, her eyes boring into his.

"Lenalee. Everyone was there, they all saw you, Yukari." He moved away from the bed, picking up a wine glass and taking a huge gulp and avoiding her eyes. Kanda gripped her blanket tight, a lump rising in her throat. She smothered it with anger as she turned on Cross and snapped.

"You didn't _stop_ them? Pick me up, start a scene, _anything_?"

"Yes, I should have started a scene. What do you think the outcome of that would have been?"

She was silent a moment, hoping he wouldn't answer. He did.

"They would have dismissed me on the spot! And I really think you need me more here than somewhere else, right?"

She didn't answer, turning her face away from him. There was the sound of a scraping chair as Cross sat, lit a cigarette and drank from his wine glass. The room fell silent, a chill wafting through the air. Kanda swung her legs over the side of the bed, and stood slowly, her headache beginning to recede.

"So, what now?" she said still looking away from him.

Her hair was loose, the blue strands falling straight down her back. Her face turned to the side, her eyes staring intently ahead. She hated that she was wearing pink sleeping pants.

Cross stood.

"Komui's office."


	3. The Office

"Come in," Komui responded to the light knock on his office door. The door creeks as it opens, a pair of ivory knuckles grasp the wood. Cross holds open the door as Kanda quickly slips in, finding her way to the only corner of the room not stacked to the ceiling with books and papers. Cross closes the door behind himself and lights a cigarette, watching as Komui's face changes in the light of the flame amid the room literally packed with paper. Slowly he crosses the room to the couch. He sits, crossing one leg over the other and spreads one arm out across the top, keeping the other to his lips, the cigarette wedged between his pointer and middle finger.

"I see you've done a great job of picking up your office, Komui," Cross says, smirking as he puts the cigarette to his lips again.

Komui stood behind his desk, staring not at Cross, but at Kanda who looked back with a glare. Looking away with a smile, Komui moved out from around his desk and stood beside it. Komui was of average height for a male, with shoulder length blue hair, covered on top by a white beret and matching suit. On his feet, a pair of blue slippers.

"Thank God, I thought you were Reever. He is always trying to get me to work when I'm already working to death, and I just need a break, you know?"

"No, I don't know," Kanda snapped as he pulled out his katana "Mugen," and leaving the room silent. Cross cleared his throat while Komui merely adjusted his glasses. "Tell me what you want with me Komui, now."

"Well, let's get down to business then," Komui began, taking in a breath, then looking squarely into Kanda's eyes, "So, Kanda, I assume you know what this is about? It's part of my job to notify the order that your gender is not what they thought it was."

"Is that why you called me in? To inform me of protocol?" Kanda asked sharply.

Komui's eyes softened, and Kanda did her best to calm herself.

"I sent for you to assure you that this news isn't really that significant, though I don't understand why you hid it from us. They probably assumed- "

"What did they say?" Kanda interrupted.

"Nothing to worry about they seemed like they really didn't care. Why? Should I be worried?" Both Cross and Komui watched Kanda closely for any signs of fear, but she only kept her same cold composure.

"No, can I leave now?" she asked.

"Yes, you may go." Komui said, turning and walking back around his desk and took a seat, watching as Cross stood to follow Kanda out. He turned just before shutting the door and smudged his still smoldering cigarette into the nearest stacked paper. It caught fire immediately and Cross laughed loudly as Komui jumped up -limbs flailing- and began rushing toward the flames, his girlish screams reaching them from the other side of the door.

"Heh, maybe that'll teach him to clean up those damn'd papers," Cross mumbled. Walking beside Kanda, he became more serious.

"Don't worry, the experiment was descended years ago. They wouldn't be looking for you now," he said, his voice hushed a bit.

"I know that!" Kanda growled, picking up her pace to try and loose him. Cross fell back at first, but with a sudden glee he descended upon her and said with delight, "so now you can actually dress as a girl."

"Hmf," Kanda grumbled, "The day I do that, is the day you quit drinking." She sped up even more and could feel his presence moving further and further behind her.

"Now, I'm going to train." She called behind her as she left to change into her training gear, failing to see the smirk that spread over Cross's face as she left.


	4. questions

I AM SO SORRY! I have had a lot going on life so I have been very preoccupied. I have moved across America and getting use to everything plus applying to college so I am sorry that there has been such a big gap also I am going to be writing this instead of my friend Sam since I moved and all. So I hope you approve of the style, and I am open to criticism! So here is the story!

I DO NOT OWN D GREY MAN BUT I WISH I HAD THAT GENIUS!

For four hours, The swift beating of a sword could be heard from the training room at the black order headquarters. In the almost quiet room stood a girl with blue hair and the traditional exorcist outfit practicing her sword technique. With a final swing Kanda slowly brought her sword into its' sheath and took a deep calming breath. A since of peace coming over her face, with a serene aura about her she headed to the black wooden double doors at the far side of the large chamber-like room. Not even six steps later one of the doors burst open and out came Lavi with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.

" Yu-chan!" echoed across the, dark chamber, room. Faster then Linali with her boots Yukari had Lavi pinned to the wall with Mugen at his throat.

" So, I heard you're actually a Yu-CHAN." shouted Lavi not even acknowledging the danger he put himself in. Kanda had the sword on him before the smirk was fully formed, but before the skin was cut Lavi, with surprising strength, knocked the sword out of her hand and with a clank landed on the stone floor,far from the two. Yukari growls while preparing to punching Bookman Jr, but before the fist could make its destination it was stopped by the black hand of Allen Walker.

"Um...Lavi I think you should leave Kanda alone right now."

It was the smile that did Allen in, the smile he give to others as if saying all is fine with the world. Allen didn't even see the punch coming and was on the floor with an enrage Yukari standing over him. So angry was she, that she didn't notice she was using her real "feminine" voice until" shut up moashi " echoed across the chamber. Staring into the face of the boy on the floor Yukari saw the shock then that damn smile and her anger reached new heights. She threw her self at the young Brit and proceeded to beat him. After the third punch, something didn't feel right.

" Why aren't you fighting back!"

"uummmm..."

When Allen looked into her eyes Kanda figured out why he wasn't fighting her, his expression was the one he used with Miranda or Linali.

She was so infuriated that instead of yelling at the top of her lungs she, in the calmest of voices,asked "because i'm a girl?"

Allen feeling the mood coming from the young women, stated in a rush " it's just not being a gentleman to hit a Lady."

Within a minute two big bangs was heard coming from the training room. One being Allen's head against the stone wall from the punched he received from Kanda, and Kanda slamming the door behind her as she ran to her room. Once in her room she threw everything within arms reach across the area. Everyone could hear the wood braking and the glass but was made the stay clear of that hallway was the screaming.

After a time she exhausted her self , collapsing onto her bed she fought off the tears. All her work of making herself strong and feared gone. Pounding on the door took her away from her inner musings. In a scratched voice Yukari gave a loud "what" to who ever was disturbing her.

In a whorl or smoke and red general Cross slammed the door shut behind him and shouted " don't what me! What the hell is going on I can hear you throwing a fit a cross the whole damn order!" All the stem went out of him once he saw her face. Flushed with red rimed eyes, and after years being with her cross knew she had been fighting tears.

"what happened?" demanded Cross.

"Nothing" Said Yukari as she looked away hiding her face from the man who knew she was lying. She could hear the heavy cluck of Cross's boots as he slowly walk towards her. Feeling his hand cup her cheek while rubbing in a soothing manner had her eyes tearing up again. Turning to the only comforter she knew since she was a child Yukari threw herself into the waiting arms of Cross and cryed.

Hours later had Cross siting on Yukari's bed with the owner, curled up in a ball, fast a sleep in his lap. Lazily blowing out the smoke from his cigarette Cross said in a contemplating tone " What happened Yukari? You haven't cried like this since Yuu died."

Chapter end

once again I am sooooo sorry its been so long since an upload but I will try my best to have them up quicker. Now I am very nervous about my writing so critics are welcome and please tell me what you think!


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